Tuesday, January 29, 2013

I WAS ON MY WAY TO SLEEP, WHEN I SAW THIS

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH HELLS NO.



Y'ALL NEED TO GET YOUR BOO GIOVANNA PLOWMAN (a name that surely ensures her rightful place amongst pornography's greatest) for making a youtube video where she SUCKED HER OWN USED TAMPON and gaining instant internet celebrity.

I've always believed that the craziest shit you just can't make up.  Ms. Plowman has set the bar pretty high and it's only January!  I wish I could say that she is just a crazy attention whore, but sadly there are fiery rumors swirling the internet that she has since committed suicide earlier this week, allegedly because she couldn't handle the hate she was getting from her cray-cray youtube video.  Sadly, her issues went way deeper than the lengths she was willing to go for self promotion.  Not everyone is convinced that the announcement of her death is completely legit, but whether it is or it isn't, she's clearly deranged.  Oh 2013, you're like a warm, melty, snuggly hug.

THESE ARE MY CONFESSIONS...

If I told you that I scoured the internet daily compiling the dream wardrobe for my imaginary boo...would you judge me?

If yes: I'LL KILL YOU.
If no: JOIN IN THE IMAGINARY FUN!!

TODAY I PERUSED HYPEBEAST.COM...AND ALL I FOUND WAS SEX.
Below you'll find a sultry collection of jackets that would fit solidly on my boo's square shoulders and make him look like a dream (because...he is, literally).

DAMN BOO, LOOKING GOOD IN THAT



THE THINGS A WELL STRUCTURED PENFIELD JACKET WILL DO FOR A MAN!!







#RANGS

So until I get that special band on my wedding finger (::laughs inwardly at the possibility of that even happening::),  I'm gonna keep feeding my insatiable desire for rings. Check me out:

BOMB ASS RING FROM MY FAVE NEW SITE EMRYELLE.COM



IN SUPPORT OF MY SMALL-TIME ARTISANS, GOTTA LOVE THIS ABOVE THE KNUCKLE RING FROM ETSY.COM



AND WHEN I'M FEELING SWANKY, I AMBLE OVER TO PIXIEMARKET.COM AND SWOON OVER THE EXPENSIVE SHIT!

Monday, January 28, 2013

JAN BREWER ON IMMIGRATION: AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!

A SATIRICAL ILLUSTRATION OF THE ARIZONA GOVERNOR, LIKENING HER LEATHERY FACE TO A TOPOGRAPHICAL MAP OF HER BELOVED STATE, ARIZONA.

 BREWER MILKING HER 15 MINS WITH OBAMA, BY APPEARING TO BE IN FIERCE OPPOSITION TO OBAMA

My most sincere sympathies to any Arizonans reading this post, because I think your Governor is one "crazy-eyed smile" away from a complete meltdown.  Not only was she a hard-faced relic of woman at the RNC convention this past year (::ahem:: accidentally endorsing Obama for president), her major blunders since she took office in 2009 have been almost laughable.

Brewer's state is one of the only in the union that deals with "protecting our borders" and she has done so with a iron fist this broad has.  IN response to leading Democratic and Republican senators pledging their support of serious immigration legislation sailing through the Senate by this summer, Brewer said this:
I have been in contact with Senator McCain regarding the now released immigration reform ideas presented by his working group of Senators. I am pleased that there is expressed recognition of what we have been saying in Arizona: immigration reform will not succeed unless and until we have achieved effective border security...That is the lesson of the last major immigration reform effort in 1986. The promise of border security was broken, and Americans - especially in border states like mine - have been paying the price ever since. We must not - and will not - let that happen again.. (source
A pretty sane, albeit narrow-minded, response based on her earlier missteps. Check the Governor  looking a hot mess in this 2010 Gubernatorial debate against former Democratic opponent Terry Goddard.


And on top of her forgetting her whole purpose in life, Brewer goes on to ignorantly stand behind the erroneous claims of beheaded bodies of illegal immigrants being found in their desserts.  When confronted by media outlets, her reaction was:



BOTTOM LINE: JAN BREWER BLOWS.

SO CLATA IS BACK OR WHATEVER...

Hey y'all (is anyone even out there?)

I missed the shit out of my blog and sharing the stuff that I love and hate daily. I don't know what I'm going to post, but guarantee it will be fancy and free.

New things about me since we last spoke:
1.) I moved back home from Washington DC to San Francisco, CA

2.) I'm older (clearly)

3.) I'm single (pretty much) and pr-pr-PROUD!!

4.) I realized I wasn't about to get into another serious relationship/have a baby anytime soon, but I needed some unconditional love, so I got a dog, named her George, and we been boos ever since.
  
Anyways, I might be burdening you guys with more of my emotional lamentations, which I'm sure you'll be able to stomach it in time. Back to the ridiculous debauchery that is my existence! wheeee!!!